To an absent friend…
by Bonnie Pockley
Oh how I miss you. Things never stay the same – I know that – but I always expected you to be around. Sometimes, I have conversations with you while I’m going about my day – quietly, in my mind’s eye, in that private space of the conscious imagination where we are undisturbed. I miss your smile and the understanding that comes from many years of shared experiences and time together. I miss your knowing, your reassurance, your wry laugh and your taste in music – not mine but the backdrop soundscape of so many things we did ensemble. I heard once, or perhaps I read somewhere that you get used to anything. Today those words linger. I don’t like that your absence is now just how-it-is. There are still moments when it feels as if I’ve simply been fooled into believing you are just on a holiday and will return at any moment. You’d think that the things that remind me of you would contribute to my daydream because in some way, they’d make you present in my life. In fact, they do the opposite. They bring me crashing back down to earth. They reveal a starker reality: that you are gone, not here, not close, not home. I miss it being easy. I miss the luxury of time and the grace of proximity. I miss you, my dear friend, oh how I miss you and it breaks my heart. Sometimes, I confess, I have conversations with you while I’m going about my day – quietly, in my mind’s eye, in that private space of the conscious imagination where we are undisturbed. And today? Today we walked a while along the road together and as we parted you smiled and waved goodbye.