Joie de vivre

by Bonnie Pockley

In honesty, I may have had post-natal depression following the birth of the twins. Who’s to say whether or not it was that or simply the relentless lack of sleep, the headaches, the devastating deprivation that every mother knows or the ensuing madness of it all that got me down.

At times I felt desperate. Mostly I felt threadbare. Often I was close to tears.

I love my children but I didn’t imagine it to be like this.  The heartbreak at losing all sense of self, time, space, creative freedom, physical identity, emotional stamina as well as being forced to breach all personal limits resulted in an extraordinary, all pervasive, overwhelming fatigue.

There were of course, tender, redeeming moments in all of this but I have to admit that almost every day felt like a fight to breathe. For the most part I have my beautiful partner Hamish to thank for so much. He, whose love cleaved me from many a dark place, shall forever remain my saving grace. It is he, the ritual delight of strong black coffee, reading Rilke and Borges, new study and family support, that got me through – helped me to reclaim a too-long-absent  joie de vivre.

The way forward?

Health comes first. As many of you know I’ve dabbled a lot in raw vegan or semi-raw vegan food and so my intention now is to eat a high raw diet and focus on redressing nutritional depletion before anything else. I’ll document my raw food journey here and continue to seek out those things, often the small things, that give me delight, that make my heart sing.

DSCF5796 DSCF58121001531_10153017512090104_1324927425_n1. Fresh rosemary form the garden 2. Flax crackers with sesame and sunflower kernels (gluten, flour, dairy, sugar free) 3. Me (High quality cotton Japanese lace top from Vintage Junkyard – Check it out)

Recipes to come.