This heat…

by Bonnie Pockley

There are moments that humble you as a parent. The moment you pack it in and yell, ‘Get into the car now!’ and then remember cringing at a mother doing the same thing, another lifetime ago, before you had children, when you didn’t understand. Oh how things have changed; how naivety has given way to the uncompromising dictatorship of a 2 year old who no longer sees nor hears anything other than their own will. It sometimes feels like a force of inertia in the wrong direction, the current tow that crashes on dangerous shelf-rock in defiance of the safe, soft shore. ‘Get into the car now’ started out as a very pleasant, ‘Come on kids, let’s go, let’s get in the car’. 20 minutes of straying out into the road, pulling at the groceries and screaming, ‘No mummy I want ice cream!’, has a way of wearing you down, of making you the woman you never wanted to be: the voice that growls, ‘Car. Now! I’m sick of this!’

And the heat. This heat. This week of 40 degrees plus. All this prohibition. ‘No darlings, you can’t play outside….No, I’m sorry, you can’t go down that hot metal slide that will burn the sh$*t out of your soft little legs…’

No. Not now. Not allowed.

NO. NO. NO.

It’s too hot.

PROHIBITION.

Then this.

The look. That look. And this:

‘Mummy, I don’t love you anymore.’

This heat is breaking my heart. DSCF3446 1557711_708270312545960_1754787363_n DSCF3426 DSCF3409 UntitledDSCF3533 DSCF3540 DSCF3414 DSCF3362DSCF3567 DSCF3595 DSCF3578 DSCF3617DSCF36111. I dream of icecream 2. French plait 3. Makes my heart sing 4. Little courtyard 5. India Summer Romper love 6. Poolside 7. Calippo 8. Farmer’s Arms 9. Clear view 10. 30+ degrees at 5am 11. Playdough – what to do indoors? 12. She put them on herself… 13. Air con 14. Blown away

…and to be a better parent, I’m reminding myself of this.

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